Welcome back… there it is, this burning, self-destructive anger… this urge to hit something so hard I risk my hand breaking. Oh my, I thought it was gone for good, but nope…


The thing is, I persuaded my sister to watch the Hobbit movie with me. Fair enough, I know she isn’t into fantasy at all, that’s fine. I was surprised she was going in first place, but I was really happy about it, I mean, I thought maybe she was opening up a little for these kind of things. I was really, really glad about it. Fool that I am. Okay, she didn’t like it – fair enough, maybe that wasn’t to be expected. But asking my mom WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DRUG I TAKE TO BE ABLE TO LIKE THAT STUFF!!!!

Sorry, that was of the mark. Like I was crazy, like you need to be drunk to enjoy that movie. I mean, even if I don’t like things, I think I am at least able to acknowledge the way it was made, the acting or whatever… And I don’t discriminate people for liking things I don’t, not like that. Of course it wasn’t meant in a bad fashion, I guess she was just trying to make her point, trying to make it clearer and presenting herself in a more dignified, superior way.

But man, THAT HURTS! It’s okay to not like it, it’s okay to detest it, but it’s not okay to attack me for it – or is it?

I know, I am a dreamer – but the important thing is, what I am certain she doesn’t see, is that this story is NOT about dwarves or hobbits or dragons at ALL – it’s about friendship, about courage, about that people can do and be so much more than what they expect, about the little things that can make life worthwhile and safe the day, if it comes to it… I don’t know what it is, it’s that feeling, that the little things and little people can really change something. And later what greed and temptation can do to decent people, but that’s a whole different thing.

I know, I am searching for a light behind the light, the gold at the end of the rainbow, I secretly hope to see an elven company, or even a shade of them, passing in the mist when I go on a walk in the forest, and I know it is silly. But I am searching for the magic in this world, even if I know that I’ll probably never find anything but a feeling of it. I am a dreamer, and that’s important to me. Maybe I am crazy for that. But I know how this world is, and what I can expect, and maybe it’s just that, watching the news and all the horror and terror of this world that drives me into fiercely loving those kind of things. What kind of drug do you need to take to be able to bear this world as it is? or is it really me that is sick here?

I don’t know, I know that maybe my reaction is a little exaggerated, but that comment really hurt. It simply hurt like hell, and somewhere between the urge to just sit down and cry and the urge to smash something there’s the part of me that just tells me to take it professionally. I should be getting down to my family again, but then I don’t have any mind of pretending nothing happened… or even talking about it. Great, 25 and not grown up a bit any more than when I was 16. Hopefully only when it comes to these kinds of things.

Could I have any comments about what you think? Am I exaggerating? Well, I think I’ll just take the dog for a walk and calm down, that’s probably the grown up thing to do…  

And maybe later on write my own little critic on the movie… sounds like a plan….

25.12.12 19:38


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