Poems of a while ago

Reading the Lord of the Rings, you cannot help being consumed by the atmosphere Tolkien conveys, you cannot help feeling like you were there, feeling the power of the scenes he describes…. but that’s another topic, another topic to deal with in further detail;

 

This is the result of the last time it took me away, in the middle of the night, out of time, out of this world, for a while, some time ago... this is where my mind and this story took me...

 

 

Dreamer

 

You cannot help
feeling
small,
and unimportant
in such noble company,
All in my mind –
leaving the hall
of the fire,
mirth and song
behind,
standing,
gazing at
starlit Rivendell,
the river rushing,
the wind blowing,
softly,
leaves rustling.
Alone.
Above the dark
night-time miracle.

 

Song and vision
and those mighty
elf-lords left behind.

 

I do rejoice
in their company,
I am filled with
wonder,
joy,
mirth.
I am amongst them,
watching,
listening,
sharing their company,
their light –

 

but for all the
joy,
I do not belong
amongst them.
I am small and unimportant,
in comparison,
a breeze of air
in their lofty company.

 

In the end,
I will never be
more than the
dreamer –
Not meant for such
high halls,
noble company,
suffered,
tolerated,
but not
worthy –
reaching too high
and bound to much
to earth,
dancing barefooted
on dew-sprinkled grass,
shouting out my soul...

 

In the end
I will always
remain
nothing but a
suffered peasant,
no matter how I
love these characters,
their images
in my mind,
their company
in my imagination.

 

Nothing but dreams.
Nothing but a dreamer.
Unworthy of such
noble and venerable
kings, lords, minstrels,
heroes –
unworthy,
but proud!

 

Proud of
what I am,
who I am,
my existence.
Breathing comfort,
dreaming lightly.

 

I will never be
more than the dreamer,
watching from afar
for a while –
I might have been fit
or such a court –
but no more!

 

Life and reality
are rooted too deeply
in my soul –
our cruel,
dying world,
for good or ill.

 

Nothing but a dreamer,
granted access to
wonders beyond
myself –
invited even!

 

Nothing but a
DREAM!

 

If only I am
allowed to
return
whenever I wish to –
feel the wonder
of Rivendell,
the mirth
of Lorien,
the enchantment
of Middle-Earth,
look upon it
in awe,
reverence,
powers beyond my own.

 

How could I
have deemed myself
equal?
Now I see
I am not.
I can breathe
the atmosphere
about it,
lose myself
in the mist,
in the songs,
listening with
tears streaming down my face.
I can taste it –
but I do not belong to it,
even in my mind,
my heart.

 

I can lose myself,
loose myself,
and yet remain
what I am:
a helpless,
enchanted,
hopeful dreamer –
nothing more –
but nothing less!

 

It is all there,
within my grasp,
once I decide
to turn my gaze,
to turn around
to watch,
hearken once more –
turn away from
pleasantly cold nights,
deep dark blue
beneath sparkling stars,
towards the blazing fires
again...

 

Fly away,
sail away,
dream this distant world!
Only as a dreamer... only in dreams...

 

 

9th of March 2008, 2.50 a.m. .... as I said, it was right in the dead of the night – and it was wonderful Rivendell....:-)

 

 

 

One more of that night:

 

....

 

You needn’t
understand me –
how could I
ask of you
what I can
barely do
myself?

 

I am good
at analyzing,
and have
a keen sight
into people’s hearts
and souls –
but only
when this I see
lies buried
in the past,
looking glass
into distant
memories...

 

You needn’t
understand me,
foresee my actions,
emotions,
feelings –
JUST LOVE ME!

 

Just be there,
and take me
as I am,
be here,
be close,
embrace me,
and carry me
through the night –
even if I
can stand it
myself,
even though I
fear not the
darkness,
and the cold,
and the loneliness!

 

Just carry me through
dawn,
sunshine,
spring,
autumn
and winter –
no matter if
I need you
by my side
or not –
regardless of pain,
or content,
grief,
or joy:
Embrace me,
let me feel
your arms around me,
share my days,
dreams,
soul...

 

Just be there!
Just love me!

 

 

 

9th of March, 2.57 a.m.  Me again.... A breakthrough of loneliness and my longing for harmony and someone beside me.... happens at times....

9.4.08 00:24

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